Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Love and Respect: C-H-A-I-R-S

When, I first started talking about "Love and Respect", by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I was very deliberate in discussing the ways that men can show love to their wives FIRST. I love our couch but not that much, if you know what I mean.

Now lets explore how wives can show respect to their husbands. Eggerichs does not take his foot off of the gas as he takes us into the C-H-A-I-R-S chapters for wives. This clever acronym is a roadmap that all wives can use to understand how to give "unconditional" respect to their husbands. Much like the C-O-U-P-L-E chapters, C-H-A-I-R-S empowers wives while recognizing their responsibility to be accountable partners.

Tucked amongst a myriad of poignant stories and testimonies, Eggerichs has also planted the "Respect Test." When I first read the following statement, I thought to myself "This rubbish does not work", but then I realized that Janelle has said some form of this statement to me many times. The statement is as follows: "I was thinking about you today and there are several things that I respect about you, and I just want you to know that I respect you." WOW.... I yearn to be respected by my wife and it is amazing how much closer I am to her after hearing these words! Wives, if you don't believe me, try it (with the utmost sincerity, of course) and let me know the result.

As a husband reading these chapters, my heartstrings were pulled with the turning of every page. I like the fact that I can be understood, validated, and appreciated. So, again, just in case you are wondering, C-H-A-I-R-S stands for the following:

C-Conquest- Your husband feels respected when you tell him verbally or in writing that you value his work efforts.

H-Hierarchy- Your husband feels respected when you praise his commitment to provide for and protect you and the family.

A-Authority- Your husband feels respected when you praise his good decisions and are gracious when he make bad decisions.

I-Insight- Your husband feels respected when you tell him upfront that you just need him to listen and don't complain later when he tries to fix you.

R-Relationships- Your husband feels respected when you tell him that you like him and then SHOW IT.

S-Sexuality- Your husband feels respected when you understand that he needs sexual release just as you need emotional release.